I often ask God if I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing,
If I’m living the life that he wants for me,
Through and through I am signaled a yes or a no,
At times it may be a subtle sign, other times it will be insanely obvious,
Today brought a moment of clarity,
My level of self love and understanding has dwindled down,
I made the mistake that thinking time away from my friends, family, and you would bring me a new understanding,
The new lesson for me is love,
I find myself the more that I do and show up for others,
I learn and leap out of my comfort zone when I am vulnerable with others, especially you,
I see clearly the ebbs and flows of my core, my center, have not been calibrated correctly,
I’m no longer an individual but now part of a collective that is US,
I take ownership of my shortcomings and in exchange give apologies from the depths of my heart, air in my lungs, and sight of my eyes,
Love is a verb, love is sharing those moments in which we naturally want to be alone,
Love is caring for one another,
Love is being there,
I’m learning that I’ve been asking God for the big picture for a few months but failed to see the blue prints were right in front of me,
You, you are the gift he bestowed upon me, you are the vessel of love that I should cherish at all times,
I choose to not take escape by way of edibles or alcohol but choose to be present in this life with you,
I was ultimately running from myself,
I deep down feel better and depression has left me,
I now want to focus on what’s really important, You.
I want to be the best partner despite our moments of disagreement, miscommunication, or if life seems to be beating down on US,
I strive to keep learning, to keep doing better, to stop my escapism and embrace the blessing around me, around US,
My self love is strengthen by me reversing the deep rooted belief that I am a burden to this world,
It gains momentum through practically and progress and realizing I’m not perfect, that I won’t always get it right,
But as long as I’m willing to try, as long as I learn from my mistakes or moments that I dropped the ball,
Then I’ll be on track to being a better partner, lover, journey sharer,
During times of depression, anxiety , and self doubt I’ve often visualized my future apartment,
I would obsess about what would be included,
One of the main features was to have vaulted ceilings,
The feature seemed to give the apartments more space, more atmosphere, and feeling of abundance,
Little did I know I could experience that in my day to day life,
You made me realize I have more space in my heart, that my career and social circles could have more atmosphere, and we fostered a wave of abundance of love,
I now visualize you whenever I think of my future home, dwelling,
You have my heart, mind, body and soul,
I won’t always be perfect but a life with you is the best life a man could ask for,
Your kindness and grace is unmatched,
You provide a channel of love that calls me to dream, have goals and to show up,
I promise to not only do better but to do my best,
Smiling thinking about You, my vaulted ceilings,
I prayed for you, for me, for US, to fall in where God would have us to be,
For us to learn each other and continually be on a mission of service to one another,
I love you through every moment and every layer of you,
I accept you for all you are,
Always a place in my heart,
Always a thought in my mind,
Always a vibe to my soul,
Always excitement to my body,
You are a beautiful woman whom I’m proud to share this life with,
I will do all I can to be there for you and pray for God to download the provisions for me to keep a safe environment for us to share and deeply understand our emotional needs,
I love you. Be safe.
